Since April Fool’s Day is pretty much cancelled this year, I thought I’d take the opportunity to talk about another April 1 milestone. April 1, 2015 marks the day I quit smoking for good. It took a while (I was an on and off again smoker since about age 17), but when I finally kicked the habit it felt like a major accomplishment. This blog is devoted to giving our bad habits, or at least learning to enjoy them in moderation. Maybe it helps that we’re also at the end of lent (as a kid I used to pretend to give up chocolate) and the beginning of spring.
I couldn’t count the number of times I tried, unsuccessfully, to quit smoking. I’d go a few days, sometimes a few weeks, and sometimes even a few months without having a cigarette. Then it might be a stressful day, or a night out on the town, or a vacation. Pretty soon I’d be buying a pack and smelling like an ashtray again. So what changed?
I read a book (seriously!). Allan Carr’s “Easy Way to Quit Smoking” helped me realize some things that I had suspected all along. The biggest revelation was that my smoking addiction was largely psychological. After several weeks of not smoking, your body is free of chemical dependency on tobacco. The trick to quitting wasn’t getting through those initial challenging weeks but training yourself to see your psychological addition as a negative externality. In the book, the author calls this the “little green monster”. It’s the monster that makes you have a smoke when you’re pissed off. Something about framing the struggle as a battle against an external enemy made the internal act of resisting my cravings a lot easier.
Another point the author makes is that you have to decide to quit for good. That is, you have to promise to yourself that you will never have another cigarette again. Ever. It’s not a habit that can be enjoyed in moderation. Not for me at least. Nietzsche thought that it was easier to give up a vice than enjoy it in moderation. I think he was onto something.
I sometimes notice dependencies creeping into my life . This week I’m trying to live without coffee. I was inspired by a blogpost by my friend and recent guest, Spencer Kelly. He pointed out that dependency on coffee nullifies its desired effects. I noticed that I was chugging down at least 2-3 cups of that black fuel every day (I also love the taste!). It didn’t make me feel energetic; it felt like a new normal. That’s the trick dependency plays. I decided to try at least a week or so without coffee, as a kind of reset. I’ve been a bit grumpier than normal (my wife will tell you!). Mornings aren’t quite the same. It takes me twice as long to read the news; it’s just so hard to digest without the aroma and taste of fresh brewed coffee!
There’s another dependency I have to kick – the news. I spend way too much time checking my feeds. It takes away from the other things I want to do. And it’s probably not good for my mental health. At first, it was my way of coping with the COVID-19 situation. Knowing more about it made the upheaval more bearable. But I think it’s gotten out of hand, and like coffee I may need a break from the news.
I suspect there are many like me who are coping with some form of dependency. The good news is that it will be easier to think of it in terms of an external enemy now; a little green monster (or virus) that is trying to be in control of our habits. Saying no to the green monster might mean different things for different people. It might mean turning off Netflix and getting outside for a walk, trading the beer for a soda (or vice versa), or maybe not cleaning out the supermarket of toilet paper.
Also, there’s no shame if the little green monster wins sometimes. He got the best of me for over a decade. The problem was I didn’t know he was there; recognizing him is step one (according to Carr, trying to ignore our cravings is futile). Step two is denying the monster power. When it comes to vices, it might be easier to say ‘no’ forever. I’m hoping with coffee it just means proving that I am more powerful. Then I can go back to enjoying a hot cup of joe with a good book in the morning.