Hi Everyone,
Ryan here. This week’s blogpost was written by my wonderful, intelligent, and talented wife Mariana. I hope you enjoy:
It all started with a coding course. At the time, I had been working at the same job for over three years and was feeling stuck. It was the longest I had ever worked at one company, and although I enjoyed the job for the most part, something was missing. I felt mentally disengaged and the routine was killing me. Slowly, I started getting depressed, burnt out. Getting up to go to work was painful and I was constantly drained from the stresses of the job. I needed a hobby or a passion or anything.
At the time, the tech industry in Toronto was beginning to bloom and boasted opportunities for higher pay and constant growth. Knowing very little about tech, I assumed that most of the opportunities revolved around coding. I knew a guy from a sports league that worked as a freelance coder. He did quite well for himself, and after speaking with him, I was intrigued by how he was self-taught and able to work at his own pace. So I decided to take a free course from Coursera on introductory coding for Python. It seemed like a good challenge. Frankly, I didn’t think I would be able to complete the course. Every week we were given assignments, and with zero experience, the assignments were so difficult at times that they made me question my intelligence and my ability to learn. I stuck with it; something in me wanted to prove that I had it in me to do something that was hard and completely different, even if there was no end-purpose. Getting through the assignments and receiving positive feedback (even if it was automated), made me feel happier than I had been in a very long time. They were little wins that I desperately needed.
After finishing the course, I started making some life changes. I switched jobs, and I was more open to try things that I used to be afraid of. I started to run, which up until that point I had always avoided because from a young age I was told I had a “funny run”. I started realizing how many things I avoided because I was so afraid of looking stupid or inadequate or not good enough. First of all, EVERYONE has a funny run! I don’t care if it’s the Olympics or a marathon, when you pay attention, running is not the most flattering exercise. The reason why you probably never noticed is because runners exude confidence.
I danced hip-hop and latin dance for years when I was younger, and every now and then I would take a class for fun. When I was a more serious dancer, I remember falling in love with contemporary dance after watching too many episodes of “So You Think You Can Dance?” I went to watch a contemporary class at my studio and all the dancers were amazing. It looked like they had ballet training and were out of my league. So I never tried the class; I was too ashamed of not having ballet training and didn’t want to feel inadequate.
Over a decade past my dancing prime, I decided to sign up for an intro to contemporary class because why not? It was terrifying being back at a dance studio, surrounded by serious dancers and feeling so out of touch with my body. The routine was more challenging than I thought. The rhythm and the movements were so foreign to my body even with my former dance training. At times, I would watch my reflection dancing in the studio mirror and notice how sloppy and stiff I was compared to other dancers. It made me feel shame at first, but I liked how it felt in my body. I loved how the movements made me feel strong but delicate at the same time, how they made me feel grounded but light. Over time, I stopped looking at other people to compare myself and I began to really appreciate how my body was picking up these movements and owning them. I had something that I looked forward to every week. I don’t remember when was the last time that I actually loved and respected my body – how powerful it is and how it is able to create artful movements.
Learning gave me the confidence to try things that scare me. It taught me how to stay forward focused and work hard to get those little wins and those big achievements. I stopped feeling stuck, quite the opposite, I felt that I was growing into the person I wanted to be.
Fast-forward two years since that first coding class, I am one semester away from finishing grad school and working at a tech company that combines all of my passions into one job. It has been devastatingly hard at times and going back to school full-time while working part-time has turned my life upside down. I’ve never been busier - I miss my friends and my dance classes so much. On the other hand, every day feels like a win, even the bad ones. Sure, I am graduating into a receding economy and a world wrapped in uncertainties - this was definitely not part of the plan! However, I am resilient and I am capable of more than I ever gave myself credit for. No matter what happens, there will always be new things to learn and I am always able to continue growing, learning, and adapting.